It All Starts With Your Words: Why Language is the First Portal to Change
If there’s one thing I’ve learned again and again through my own transformation and my work with clients, it’s this: the words we use shape our world. Every belief you hold, every choice you make, and every result you experience can be traced back to the language running through your mind. And it starts far earlier and runs much deeper than you might think.
The Science
From a neuroscience and NLP perspective, language doesn’t just describe your reality, it defines it. The subconscious mind is always listening. It's taking instructions, shaping your behaviour, and filtering your perception based on the language you use. This means your words are not passive. They are programming your brain, wiring your nervous system, and influencing the results you believe you can have.
Let me ask you this: do you tell yourself that you believe your dreams are possible, or are you certain they’re inevitable? Do you say you're "trying" to build a business, or are you simply building it? That difference might seem small, but it's everything.
"Trying" creates wiggle room. It suggests effort without commitment, motion without momentum. It leaves the door open to failure because it never fully claimed success. Similarly, when you say you "believe" something is possible, you’re implying that there’s still space for doubt. And your subconscious will hold onto that doubt and use it to reinforce the very patterns you’re trying to break.
This is something I shared inside my Monthly Mindset sessions with The Altitude Experience a few months ago and the feedback we got was amazing. A simple switch from belief to certainty can change everything. Belief is Mindset in theory, but certainty is Mindset in action.
Here’s what I mean by that:
Belief is where it starts. It’s the doorway. It’s saying, “I think this might be possible for me.” Belief opens the window of awareness. It introduces a new idea into your system and lets your subconscious begin to explore it. It’s necessary, but it’s not enough, and this is where most mainstream mindset advice will stop.
Certainty, on the other hand, is what moves the needle. Certainty doesn’t ask for permission. It doesn’t sit around waiting for external validation or the perfect conditions. Certainty says, “This is mine. I am doing this. I will figure it out.” That’s when mindset becomes embodied. That’s when you’re not just thinking differently, you’re acting, choosing, and living differently. And that's when mindset moves from surface level theory to embodied reality!
Belief is still cautious. Certainty is committed.
And when it comes to rewiring your reality, commitment trumps caution every time. Because your subconscious doesn’t just take notes on what you believe, it responds to what you do. If your actions keep reflecting hesitation, your mind registers that as truth: “We’re still unsure.” But when you act from certainty (when your words, decisions, and energy line up) you literally become the person who creates their next level.
This is why mindset work that stops at belief never creates lasting transformation. It’s only when belief is followed by embodied certainty that your reality begins to shift. This is the power (and the danger) of unconscious language.
So the real question isn’t do you believe it’s possible? It’s are you certain enough to act like it’s inevitable?
The limiting words you use everyday
Words like “but,” “try,” and “should” seem harmless. They’re everywhere. They carry embedded beliefs that weaken your energetic presence. “I want to launch my program, but I’m not sure anyone will buy.” That “but” negates everything that came before it. “I’m trying to show up online” gives your brain a get-out-of-action-free card. “I should post more” is shame disguised as intention. None of this is neutral. These phrases chip away at your confidence, your clarity, and your consistency.
Even more damaging? The ever present and sneaky narratives like “I’ve tried everything” or “nothing is working.” These phrases often emerge from frustration, but they act like concrete, fixing your identity in failure. Your subconscious starts to believe there truly are no other solutions, no other paths. It closes the door to curiosity, creativity, and possibility. Instead of staying open to refinement or learning, you begin rehearsing defeat.
The truth is, your language is often a mirror for your subconscious beliefs. And the worst part? You don’t always hear it. This is why surface-level affirmations or mindset hacks only take you so far. You can say “I am confident” all day long, but if the language of your inner world is still coded with fear, doubt, and self-rejection, your actions and energy will reflect that, not the affirmation.
That’s why NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming) is such a powerful part of the work I do. Because NLP doesn’t just shift what you think, it rewires how you think. It creates new neural pathways. It helps you update the subconscious programs that are shaping your self-talk, your energetic baseline, and your default choices. And once those programs shift, everything changes. Not because you’re forcing it, but because the old thoughts hold no weight anymore. You become someone who moves differently, leads differently, and creates differently.
So, where do you begin?
Here are a few simple (but not always easy) ways to start transforming your language:
Eliminate softeners. Stop saying “try,” “maybe,” or “hopefully” when you talk about what you want. Replace them with direct, grounded statements. "I am doing this." "I will figure it out." "This is happening."
Replace “but” with “and.” This is one of the most powerful micro-shifts you can make. Instead of “I want this, but I’m scared,” say “I want this, and I’m scared.” It creates space for duality without contradiction.
Drop the “should.” When you catch yourself saying “I should,” pause. Ask: Is this coming from alignment or obligation? Replace it with “I choose to” or “I get to” (language that puts you back in choice)
Watch for finality phrases. “I’ve tried everything,” “Nothing works,” or “It’s just who I am” are dead ends. Swap them for openness: “I haven’t found the right approach yet.” “I’m learning what works for me.”
Listen more deeply. Start tuning into your inner dialogue like a scientist. What patterns show up when you talk to yourself? Where do you minimise, deflect, or diminish your power with your words?
Rewire the root, not just the surface. If this feels overwhelming or if you notice how deeply ingrained some of this language is, that’s not a failure, it’s information. And it means you’re ready for the deeper work of rewiring, where the real transformation happens.
You don’t need to be perfect with your words. But you do need to be intentional.
Because the way you speak to yourself becomes the way you see yourself. And the way you see yourself determines what you believe you can have, hold, and create.
Your words are not just a reflection of your reality. They’re the first step to rewriting it, and this is your first step to doing just that!
